Local Alcohol Enthusiast Andy Hawk had the time of his life last night. Funny how quickly things can change. After waking up in the
back seat of an unfamiliar car parked in a residential neighborhood. Andy reflected on the night before and came away with only two questions. What the hell was he thinking and more importantly, where were his pants. Ironically just a few short hours earlier Andy had proclaimed himself “Booze Daddy” and later “Boob Daddy” before bashing the concept of pants in general and throwing his own pair into a swimming pool after tearing them apart at the seams. A memory which only came to him after he realized his car was parked 12 houses down the street and the only article of clothing he was wearing below the waist was a pair of mens thong
7:09 PM – Andy arrives at friends house with two 12-packs of Budweiser and Bodan Sausage for grilling
7:13 PM – Almost immediately after entering house, engages in a Chugging contest, consumes 3 beers in under 45 seconds.
7:14 PM – Punches loser of chugging contest in stomach.
8:29 PM – After consuming all 24 beers, proclaims self “Booze Daddy” and invites friends wife to help him “smoke his sausage”
8:39 PM – Decides to “Kick It up a notch”, Pours Alcohol all over food he is grilling
9:04 PM – “Scategories”
10:45 PM – Believing finches have the ability to speak, punches daughter’s pet bird when it refuses to learn phrase “suck it”
11:59 PM – Sings every third word to the song “Everybody’s Working For The Weekend” by Loverboy
12:22 AM – Excuses himself to go to bathroom, forgets where he’s going, urinates on a unlocked car and passes out in the backseat.
I will make you bitch slap you like I did that finch!